He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
