i think my tv is drunk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
