eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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