i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
