There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
