My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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