wrigley field is MILF paradise
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
