It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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