Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
