So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone shattered a urinal.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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