just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
