Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
