Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
