Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
