After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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