So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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