Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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