its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
