I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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