I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
