A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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