I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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