I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
