Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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