I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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