i already hear my dad disowning me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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