I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
