The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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