like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
