Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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