Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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