1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
