break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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