i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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