He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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