For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want a musical about memes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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