I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
