you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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