Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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