he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
