Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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