Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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