I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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