she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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