I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
