Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize