i wish my penis had a tongue
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
