sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
