I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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