Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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