Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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