plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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