you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
