I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
