I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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