haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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