What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
