Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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