i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
