hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
