It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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