No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
