Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont even know how to be here
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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