everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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