I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
