k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize