dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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