just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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