had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
