The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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