I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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