I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
