the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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