im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
