when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize