Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
