Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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