can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
