Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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