Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
