take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
